It’s hard to not be influenced the constant stream of life updates we’re fed every day. New job announcement on LinkedIn. Engagement post on Instagram. Someone you barely know has launched a business, ran a sub-3 marathon and renovated their house - all before Wednesday.
It’s impressive and inspiring. But also misleading. Because what we’re seeing is everyone’s highlight reel at once - a combined timeline of hundreds of people, stitched together into one long success montage. It’s not real life. Yet somewhere in our heads, a voice still whispers: “Shouldn’t I be further along by now?” and “How come I’ve not got it all figured out?”.
That’s ‘Milestone FOMO’ - the worry that there’s a “correct speed” for life and that we’re missing out. That by 30, 35, 40, we should have hit certain markers: career sorted, relationship stable, mortgage underway, personal purpose located.
But that timeline? It’s not real. And it’s long overdue a reality check.
What is Milestone FOMO?
Milestone FOMO is the anxiety or stress we feel when we believe we’re not hitting traditional life goals at the same pace as our peers. Psychologists call it Milestone Anxiety - the pressure to hit certain life markers by a certain age: career, marriage, mortgage, kids, savings, “purpose”. When we don’t, we assume we’re late. It’s that sense of "falling behind" when everyone else seems to be ticking those big boxes.
It’s based on what researchers call “social clocks” which are unwritten timelines handed down through culture about when things should happen. They used to be rigid. Today, life is far more flexible but we’re still influenced by what ‘everyone else’ is doing.
Why We Feel Behind (Even When We're Not)
There are three big forces at play:
1. We’re wired for comparison
According to social comparison theory, humans naturally judge our progress based on others. It’s how we decide if we’re “doing okay”. We need markers to judge ourselves against.
2. Social media has collapsed timelines
We’re no longer comparing ourselves to a few people in our social circle, but to hundreds or thousands. One friend’s having a baby. Another’s buying a house. A stranger your age just exited a startup. Someone else is hiking Patagonia. Combined, they create a superhuman timeline no one could realistically match.
3. Outdated expectations are still lurking
Millennials and Gen Z were raised with mixed messaging: “Life isn’t linear anymore! Follow your own path!” but also “University > career > marriage > kids. Don’t fall behind.” No wonder we’re confused.
How Milestone FOMO Makes Us Feel
Feeling like you’re “behind” can take a serious toll on your mental health. It can be linked to:
- Increased stress and life dissatisfaction. Comparing yourself to others can make you worry about the future and make yourself feel inadequate or not good enough.
- Decision paralysis. Rushing into life choices “just to catch up”
- Burnout and self-criticism. Questioning your choices even when things are going well
It’s also exhausting. Constant comparison can make you feel unsettled. And as much as you know that everyone’s journey is different, logic doesn’t always win.
Proof That Timelines Are Made Up
Sometimes you need different bench markers. And you might be surprised to know that some of the most successful people didn’t follow the script:
- Vera Wang entered fashion at 40
- Alan Rickman switched careers at 42
- Samuel L. Jackson got his breakthrough at 46
- Colonel Sanders franchised KFC in his 60s
They weren’t “late”. You don’t need to do everything right now. You can enjoy your 20’s, change career in your 40s, fall in love in your 60s.
5 Ways to Beat Milestone FOMO
You can’t delete comparison altogether, but you can soften the edges. Here’s how psychologists suggest approaching it:
1. Think in seasons, not lifetimes
Instead of “Where should I be at 30?”, ask “What do I want this season of life to be about?” Growth isn’t always about climbing, sometimes you’re in a slower season, sometimes a building season. You don’t need to hit things at ages, but when you’re ready.
2. Limit social media or curate what you consume
Take a short break from social media or mute accounts that leave you tense. Swap hard hustle accounts for people with timelines that suit you - late bloomers, career pivoters, people taking the scenic route. Tailor the community you surround yourself with those more aligned to your route.
3. Turn milestones into options, not obligations
Buying a house, getting married, changing careers - these aren’t badges you earn for “doing life right”. They’re choices available at different times for different people. If your internal voice says “I should have…”, answer with “Do I even want to?”
4. Track what you’ve already done
Your brain is biased toward lacking. Instead, make a reverse achievement list: skills gained, people loved, hard things survived, acts of courage (big or tiny). Notice what you’re grateful for and write these down.
5. Replace “Am I behind?” with “Am I aligned?”
The first question fuels panic. The second opens space and gives your the option to grow at your pace, not others.
Remember: You’re Not Falling Behind
The truth is, life isn’t linear. Everyone’s journey looks different, and timelines are largely arbitrary. Just because your best mate bought a house at 28 doesn’t mean you’re a failure for renting at 30. Success isn’t about hitting the same milestones as everyone else; it’s about building a life that feels meaningful to you.
So, the next time Milestone FOMO sneaks in, take a deep breath, log off Instagram, and remind yourself: you’re exactly where you need to be right now.
