Humans are only meant to maintain around 150 relationships (“Dunbar’s number”). Today, our phones give us a glimpse into thousands of strangers lives. The modern metrics we measure ourselves are warped on what really matters. We’re sizing-up of our bodies, salaries, holidays, homes, relationships and “success.”
And we don’t just compare what we have, we compare how fast we got it. Within 10 minutes of scrolling, you’ve seen colleague’s promotion post, a friend’s 10k PB, a couple you barely know buying a “first home” in the Cotswolds, and someone’s Santorini honeymoon. Your perfectly decent Tuesday suddenly feels… small. The milestone bingo can make your own timeline feel “off-schedule”.
Comparison culture is normal, and it can drive you and inspire you. But it can also be dangerous for our mental wellbeing, depending on how you use the apps.
What is “comparison culture”?
Psychologists have long known that we understand ourselves by comparing with others. Leon Festinger formalised this as Social Comparison Theory back in 1954: when objective measures are missing (how do you know if you’re doing “well” at life?), we look sideways to other people. It’s human instinct to compare and analyse, but it gets toxic fast when the “others” we compare to are curated highlight reels that aren’t real.
From small village, to the entire globe
For most of human history, our social world was small, think a few dozen to a couple of hundred people whose lives we genuinely knew. Anthropologist Robin Dunbar famously argued that our brain comfortably maintains around 150 stable relationships (“Dunbar’s number”), a limit echoed across traditional communities. Today, our phones expose us to thousands of semi-strangers every day - far beyond what our minds are built for. This leads us to compare our lives to those a million miles away, with different weather, different wealth and different culture.
Why social media supercharges comparison
Social media condenses the most enviable moments of thousands of people into a single scroll. We see upward comparisons (people who seem to have more/are “better”), and the research is clear: that diet of “perfect” lives chips away at mood, self-esteem and body image.
- Exposure to upward comparisons on social media causally lowers self-evaluations and mood. In other words- seeing “better” can make us feel worse.
- How we use social media matters: passive use (just scrolling) is linked to poorer well-being, whereas more active, social use can be neutral or even helpful. The same apps can make us feel better or worse, depending on how we use them.
- Just three minutes of scrolling through images of perceived ‘beauty ideals’ increases body dissatisfaction and lowers your mood.
- Studies show that using beautifying filters are linked to reduced body satisfaction, particularly on young women. Social comparison theory has been used to explain this negative effect through upward social comparisons against the beautified version of oneself.
Recent reviews suggest the link between social media and well-being is heterogeneous. It varies by person, platform, and how we engage, but upward comparison and image-focused content are persistent risk factors.
Why edited ideals are so dangerous
Idealised, edited images narrow what looks “normal,” shifting our reference point. Over time, we compare not with real people but with algorithmic composites - faces and lives polished by filters, selective posting, and sometimes full-blown AI generation. The result: more dissatisfaction, more self-objectification, more pressure to “keep up.” Experimental and review evidence ties appearance-focused feeds and filters to lower body satisfaction and self-esteem, especially in young women.
But, not all scrolling is bad
It’s tempting to say “social media = bad.” The science is subtler. There’s no single effect size covering everyone. Passive, appearance-heavy, comparison-prone use is the danger zone. More active, social, purpose-driven use can be neutral or positive (connection, support, humour, community).
How to avoid falling victim to Comparison Culture
We’re obviously biased as a digital detox brand. But even outside of a full digital detox, you can make comparison culture quieter.
- Audit your inputs. Mute accounts that reliably trigger “not enough.” Follow more diverse, values-aligned, and reality-anchored creators.
- Shift from passive to active. Comment with care, send a voice note, share a useful article. Treat feeds like conversations.
- Remind yourself it’s not all real. Say it out loud - “this is a highlight reel,” “this is filtered,” “this is an ad.” Recognise everything you see isn’s the whole picture.
- Re-balance your “village.” Spend more time with your real 5–15 “ride-or-dies.” Your brain evolved for those layers of closeness, not infinite acquaintances.
- Schedule “no scroll” windows. Mornings, mealtimes, walks. Notice how your baseline mood changes when you stop importing 1,000 lives into your head before 9am.
- Take an intentional reset. A 3-day offline break in nature is a powerful pattern interrupt - your reference points reset to sleep, sunlight and real conversation.
Comparison is human; comparison culture is optional. Our minds were built for small circles of real people, not a never-ending parade of edited ideals. If your feed quietly tells you you’re behind, remember: your metrics are allowed to be different. Choose presence over performance, connection over clout, contentment over comparison.
