Most of us spend our days surrounded by people - on the train, in queues, at cafés. Yet more often than not, we can go the whole day without interacting with anyone we don’t know.
You can check out in a supermarket on a screen. Buy a coffee through your phone. We scroll, put our headphones in, keep our eyes down. Not because we don’t want connection, but because talking to strangers has become non-essential in city life. And without practice, it feels… awkward.
And yet, research shows that even the smallest interactions with people we don’t know - a smile, a compliment, a brief chat - can boost our mood, reduce loneliness and help us feel more connected to the world around us.
So why don’t we do it more often?
Casual connections with strangers can boost our happiness and sense of belonging
Why Talking to Strangers Feels Harder Than It Used To
Over the years, we’ve quietly removed many of the moments that once nudged us into conversation. We self-checkout instead of chatting to a cashier. We work from home instead of sharing offices. We fill any spare second with our phones. Add in the fear of being awkward, or not knowing how to start an interaction, and it’s easy to see why most compliments and conversations never make it past our own heads.
Conversations are unpredictable
The unpredictability of a conversation with someone we don’t know can make us feel uneasy and uncomfortable. We don’t know the person we’re interacting with, so there’s a chance it might feel stilted or awkward.
Hiding behind smartphones
Phones, especially, have become a kind of social shield - a polite way of saying “don’t talk to me”, even if that’s not what we mean. Most conversations start with eye contact, which is less common in environments filled with phones. Smartphones have made it easier than ever to avoid interacting with the people in our immediate environment - we’re less likely to smile at strangers when we’re using our phones.
Expectation vs Reality
Studies have shown that the thought of engaging with a stranger is much worse that the reality: the expectation of the encounter negative, but the actual experience is positive. As well as with light small talk, one study have found being open and deep with someone they don’t know can be surprisingly comfortable. The participants were surprised by how enjoyable – and unawkward – it is.
Talking to strangers can make us smarter. Research shows that people consistently underestimate the learning potential gained from conversations with strangers
The Surprising Benefits of Talking to Strangers
Many of us underestimate how positive micro-moments with strangers can be - not just for ourselves, but for the other person too.
1. It boosts happiness (almost immediately)
Studies show that people who engage in small talk with strangers (even just a short exchange) report a stronger sense of belonging and improved mood and happiness. One study found that people who were instructed to talk to fellow passengers on public transport felt more positive about their commute than those who didn’t. Even having a brief chat with a barista in a coffee shop will make you feel happier.
2. It helps reduce everyday loneliness
Loneliness is experienced by millions people in the UK. Micro-moments of connection can increase our sense of belonging can make a big difference. Humans are social creatures and real-life encounters can leave us feeling happier than digital ones as we attach more value and empathy to conversations outside social media.
3. It builds confidence
Interacting with a stranger can feel daunting, but many people report feeling a sense of accomplishment and increased confidence after breaking the ice. Those who were initially uncomfortable with the idea end up finding these interactions surprisingly enjoyable and enriching.
4. Interactions with strangers make us smarter
When you speak to strangers, you’re not only boosting your confidence, you are also boosting your brain power. Spontaneous conversations with people outside our normal bubble can spark creative thinking and different perspectives. Talking to strangers can also stimulate our brain in ways that familiar interactions don't, providing a cognitive boost.
5. They can make someone’s day
Someone might be having a bad day, and a small interaction or compliment might give them a little boost you didn’t know they needed. Paying compliments to people not only makes them feel good, it gives you a mental boost too.
Listen to “Where are you going?” - a unique podcast where Catherine Carr has funny, surprising, heartbreaking and romantic conversations with strangers.
How to Talk to Strangers (Without It Feeling Awkward)
So, how can you reap the benefits of talking to strangers in your everyday life? Here are a few gentle, realistic ways to start:
Make it situational
Comment on what you’re both experiencing. It could be the weather, a queue or asking for a recommendation.
- “How long have you been in the queue for?”
- “That dish looks amazing, is it good?”
- “It’s busy on the train today isn’t it, where are you travelling to?”
Say the nice thing you’re already thinking
How many times a day do you notice something you like about someone but don’t say it because it feels awkward? Spoiler - it doesn’t feel awkward, it feels great.
- “I love your coat, it looks great on you.”
- “Aww your dog is so cute, what’s their name?”
- “Great choice of book, I loved it. Are you enjoying it?”
Don’t overthink it - just say it with a smile.
Put your phone away in waiting moments
Trains, cafés, park benches are natural opportunities for human interaction if we leave space for them. Put your phone away and just be present in the moment.
Why These Small Moments Matter More Than We Realise
Social media and the news often tells us that people are divided, distracted or dangerous - but micro-connections quietly prove the opposite. They remind us that most people are friendly. That community doesn’t always come from big gestures or group chats and that sometimes a shared smile or a throwaway comment can have a huge impact.
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