What makes a happy life? Is it being rich; owning your dream house; getting a promotion? Turns out, the answer isn’t material.
According to the longest scientific study on happiness ever done, the real key to a good life isn’t money. It’s not success.
It’s relationships. Real ones.
Back in 1938, researchers at Harvard started tracking the lives of 724 men - half were students at Harvard, the other half were from working-class families in Boston. The goal? To find out what makes us truly thrive. Over the years, the study expanded to include their partners, their children, and even their grandchildren. It’s still going today, nearly 80 years later, making it the longest study of adult life ever conducted. And the findings are surprisingly simple.
So, what actually makes us happy?
Dr. Robert Waldinger, who now leads the study (and also did a cracking TED Talk about it), says this:
“Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Full stop.”
The people who were most satisfied in their relationships at age 50 were the healthiest at age 80. It wasn’t about how much money they earned. Or how famous they became. It was about how connected they felt to the people around them. Friendships. Partners. Family. Community. Even day-to-day chats with the postman.
- People with strong, supportive relationships showed lower rates of diabetes, arthritis, and cognitive decline.
- Good relationships acted like stress regulators, they helped the body calm down after tough events.
- Those who felt more connected experienced less chronic illness, and even lived longer.
Essentially, our relationships don’t just shape our moods, they shape our biology.
Why this feels more relevant than ever
In a world where we’re technically more connected than ever, most of us feel more alone than ever. We spend an average of 6 hours scrolling, messaging, liking, reacting... but barely any time actually sitting across from another human being and having a proper conversation. You know, the kind with tea and eye contact.
The Harvard study reminds us that being social online is not the same as being connected in real life. Screens won’t hug you back.
So, how do we build better connections?
You don’t need to book 47 brunches or start overfilling your calendar with IRL meet ups. Here are some genuinely doable ways to start:
1. Choose a phone-free catch up
Ask a mate round for dinner and leave your phones in another room. You’ll be surprised how different the conversation feels without notifications popping off every 30 seconds.
2. Start small, but often
Voice note someone you love while walking to the shop. Text your nan. Say hi to your neighbour. Tiny moments of connection count, and they add up.
3. Make plans you’ll actually stick to
Instead of saying “let’s catch up soon” for the 15th time this year, put a date in the diary. Better yet, book a weekend where you can really switch off (we know a place 👀).
4. Engage with strangers and neighbours
We don’t just need deep relationships, micro-moments of warmth still count toward the happiness bank. Make eye contact with the cashier, exchange a genuine “How’s your morning going?” Whether it’s an encounter with a stranger or people you regularly walk past on your commute - every little counts.
5. Spend a weekend offline, together
Whether it’s with you pal, partner or family member - spend quality time with them offline. With no phones in sight, you’ll build stronger and deeper connections.
The key to happiness is simple
If the longest-running happiness study in the world has taught us anything, it’s this:
Happiness isn’t something you chase. It’s something you build. It’s the small moments with your loved ones. The moments that aren’t material.
So maybe this week, instead of trying to optimise your morning routine or power through another productivity hack...just ring a mate. Or eat dinner with someone you love. Or go for a proper walk, no phones, no agenda. We’re not saying that’s everything. But it’s a good place to start.
