How many times a day do you notice something you like about another person? Maybe it was someone’s outfit in the street or the bubbly energy of a colleague that brightened you day. Now, when was the last time you actually told that person? Not a quick like on their Insta, but a real, human, “that colour looks amazing on you” or “I really admire how you handled that project.”
The truth is, we think compliments all the time but rarely say them out loud. And it’s a shame. Because science shows compliments are not only a free mood boost for the person receiving them, but for you too. Compliments, it turns out, are like a mental health two-for-one.
The Neuroscience of Compliments
Compliments light up the striatum - the brain’s reward centre. In fact, in one study, when people received either a compliment or cash, the ventral striatum responded almost identically to both stimuli. Plus, research shows that both giving and receiving compliments releases dopamine, the “feel-good” chemical that helps us feel rewarded, motivated, and more connected.
Even better, giving compliments has been linked to lowering stress levels and improving self-esteem. It’s like a quick reset for your brain chemistry, without even opening your phone.
Why We Don’t Give Enough Compliments
So if compliments are basically a natural dopamine hit, why do we hold back?
- The awkward factor: We worry we’ll sound insincere or cringe. Especially in busy streets when everyone is head-down.
- The autopilot factor: We’re so distracted by inboxes, notifications and meetings that we rush past the chance to say the nice thing.
- The digital factor: A flame emoji has replaced genuine words of praise that we opt to do it behind a username over IRL.
But the science shows that specific, authentic compliments are the most powerful - and often it’s the ones we almost didn’t say that mean the most.
The Ripple (and Reciprocity) Effect
The magic of compliments is how far they travel. Not only does the receiver feel great, they’re likely to tell their loved ones about the interaction which leaks the positive effect into their day hours later.
One compliment can spark a chain reaction: you compliment a colleague on how clearly they explained something → they feel seen → they’re more likely to praise someone else. Before you know it, you’ve shifted the tone of a whole workplace or friendship group.
And here’s a bonus: people often reciprocate. Giving a compliment makes it more likely you’ll get one back, which creates a positive feedback loop. Everyone walks away lighter.
Strangers vs Friends: Why Both Matter
A compliment from a friend or colleague feels meaningful because it comes with context - they know you well enough to notice the details. That kind of recognition deepens trust and strengthens bonds.
But compliments from strangers can sometimes land even harder. When someone you’ve never met tells you your outfit looks great, or thanks you for your kindness, it hits differently. It’s unexpected, unbiased, and can completely change the tone of your day. Think of it as proof that small human interactions, even fleeting ones, matter more than we realise.
Real Life > Online Validation
Here’s the kicker: a compliment given face-to-face makes a far bigger impact than likes or comments online. Why? Because our brains are wired to respond to tone, eye contact, and authenticity. A heart emoji might be nice, but it doesn’t spark the same deep reward response as hearing “I really appreciate what you did.”
In fact, research shows that in-person praise is processed more strongly by the brain than digital feedback. Real-world compliments feel tangible, while online validation is fleeting. It’s the difference between a quick sugar rush and a nourishing meal.
Everyday Ways to Try It
You don’t need to overthink it. Keep compliments genuine, specific, and timely. A few easy places to start:
- At work: Swap “great job” for “I love how you made that presentation so easy to understand.”
- With friends/family: Say the thing you usually think but never voice: “You always make me feel calmer when I talk to you.”
- With strangers: London commutes can be gloomy. A simple “great jacket” or “thanks for holding the door” creates a micro-moment of joy
In a world where connection often gets reduced to likes and reactions, compliments bring us back into the present. They force us to look up, notice someone, and engage beyond the screen.
Unlike scrolling, which drains your energy, complimenting gives energy back. It builds real-life bonds, strengthens community, and helps you (and your brain) feel more grounded.
In summary
Giving a compliment is one of the simplest things you can do for your wellbeing this week. It’s free, it’s fast, and it works better than another mindless scroll. So next time you think something kind, say it out loud. Your brain will thank you. And so will theirs.
