You’re sitting next to your partner on the sofa, both scrolling through your phones, barely exchanging a word. Sound familiar? Maybe you send each other memes instead of actually talking. Or perhaps you’re in bed, each lost in your own TikTok rabbit hole, even though you haven’t properly caught up all day.
In a world where screens have become the third wheel in most relationships, how we express and receive love is evolving. That’s why the concept of love languages—originally introduced by Dr. Gary Chapman—has expanded beyond the classic five. Now, we have seven ways to understand what makes us (and our partners) feel most loved. But which one is the most crucial?
What Are The Five Original Love Languages?
Love languages describe how we express and receive love in relationships. Understanding yours—and your partner’s—can help you connect better, feel more appreciated and maintain a happier relationship.
Originally, and most commonly, there are five love languages:
- Words of Affirmation – Expressing love through compliments, kind words, and verbal reassurance.
- Acts of Service – Showing love through helpful actions, like making a cup of tea or handling the admin.
- Receiving Gifts – Feeling loved through thoughtful gestures and gifts.
- Quality Time – Giving undivided attention and making meaningful memories together.
- Physical Touch – Feeling connected through hugs, hand-holding, and other physical affection.
More recently, research has suggested there are two more love languages, which enable us to better communicate how we experience love in the modern world.
The 7 New Love Languages
- Activity (Similar to Quality Time)
Love expressed through doing things together—whether that’s hiking, cooking, traveling, or learning a new skill. This love language is all about shared experiences and the joy of discovery as a couple.
- Appreciation (Similar to Words of Affirmation) Compliments, love notes, and simple “I appreciate you” texts. Verbal encouragement and positive reinforcement mean everything to people with this love language.
- Emotional (New)
Feeling deeply connected through emotional intimacy, open communication, and mutual support. People with this love language feel most loved when their feelings are validated, their worries are heard, and their partner is a safe space to be vulnerable.
- Practical (Similar to Acts of Service)
Doing things that make life easier for your partner, from chores to thoughtful gestures. Small, everyday actions, like making a cup of tea or fixing something that’s broken, speak louder than words.
- Financial (Similar to Receiving Gifts)
Expressing love through generosity of spending their finances on something for you. This isn’t necessarily about extravagant gifts but rather feeling that your partner shows love by investing their monetary resource in you.
- Physical (Similar to Physical Touch)
Hugs, kisses, and any form of affectionate contact. For people with this love language, physical closeness fosters connection and security.
- Intellectual (New)
Deep conversations, exchanging ideas, and learning together. If you thrive on stimulating discussions, book clubs, debates, or exploring new perspectives with your partner, this might be your primary love language.
What Is The Most Powerful Love Language?
The most common love language varies by study and demographic, but Quality Time often ranks as one of the most important. Many experts argue that it’s the strongest love language because time is finite—choosing to spend it with someone shows they truly matter to you. Giving someone your full attention—without distractions—is the ultimate sign that they matter.
In today’s digital age, where our attention is constantly being pulled in different directions, making the effort to truly be with someone is more meaningful than ever. Whether it’s a phone-free dinner, a long walk, or simply lying in bed talking instead of scrolling, the moments spent fully present with each other are the ones that strengthen relationships the most.
Appreciation (Words of Affirmation) and Practical (Acts of Service) also score high. Many people feel most loved through verbal reassurance, encouragement, and thoughtful gestures that make life easier.
The key takeaway? While Quality Time may be the strongest overall, each person’s love language is unique. Understanding and respecting your partner’s primary love language can help build stronger, more fulfilling relationships.
Finding Your Love Language
If you’re unsure what your love language is, reflect on what makes you feel most appreciated—or take an online quiz. But more importantly, observe your partner’s love language and see how you can better show love in the way they understand it best.
This Valentine’s Day, instead of the usual chocolates and flowers, maybe the best gift you can give is your time. Because in the end, that’s what love is—choosing to be present, over and over again.
